I love you broken...

I have a beautiful, nearly 11 year old daughter, who is all too often a reflection of myself.  She is a perfectionist, tough and sweet...she's got some grit to her, too.  But, I have said before and I am sure I will say again that so many times when we look at the behaviors of our children (both good and bad), if we don't allow pride to stand in the way, the behaviors can be traced back to us.  OUCH!  Over the past few weeks, my oldest has been struggling in her heart.  I can see it...I'm her mother.  There was a time not so long ago that my heart pushed the blood through her body....she is part of me.  So, as I have so often said to her, I can see what's going on inside her.  It was part of my job requirement when I applied.  I had been trying my best to patiently sit on the sidelines and be a cheerleader, letting her pray and sort this all out.  I tried to use some of my old high school chants, you know the ones...."We're number 1, you're number 2, we're gonna beat the whoopie out of you!"  oh, wait, that's not the one.  Anywho, then my patience became more tired and I realized that it was time for an all out intervention.  So, I gave her a thorough rebuking (please note that I don't use that word on a daily basis, nor a weekly, alright I have NEVER used it to describe disciplining my children but this time it was needed).  It was a moment we shared, in my tiny kitchen, that I hope I never forget.  To be honest, I can't even remember what the final straw was that day.  It may have been her ugliness towards her brother or sister or the incessant bossing nature or maybe it was a huff of breath with a face that looked like she had been treated unfairly.  None-the-less, what I do remember is that after truly rebuking her I could see her heart hardened and she shut down.  I took a deep breath and told her that I was going to be quiet and let her explain to me what she was feeling in her heart.  It took her a few minutes to soften and the words and tears started to flow.  I can't begin to explain nor am I willing to share her deepest heart secrets....we all have them and it's our choice whom we share those with.  But, what I am going to share is the words the Lord allowed me to share with her....

Each of us is broken.  The brokenness can sometimes hurt others, but all of the time it hurts us and our relationship with the Lord.  And, it is only when we come to Him in prayer, forgiveness and weakness that He can heal us.  I then explained to her it was like breaking a bone.  Initially, it was extremely weak.  But, when healed, it makes that point of the bone stronger than the rest.  So, when we are broken in a certain area of our life, truly broken, and we ask the Lord to hold an intervention, He will heal us....stronger than we ever were before.  And, in those times when we feel broken, it is then that we truly get a glimpse of our relationship with God.  It is easy to sing praises to Him when all is right in our world, but what do we do when things aren't going as planned?  Do we turn to Him and cry out for His help.  He is waiting....

From all of this, I learned that not only was she broken but that she needed to understand that I, too, am an imperfect broken girl, who is blessed by God to be her mother....her perfectly, imperfect mother that He is using for His plans and purposes.  And, that she can see that as a Christian, you never "arrive" here on earth.  I want her heart to truly understand that I fail everyday.  It's not about not failing or how many times you fail.  It's about what you do when you do fail.

So this post serves as a reminder to me for the rest of my life (isn't it cool how blogs, put a date and time stamp on a post), that on that day, in my tiny little kitchen, I shared a moment with my daughter that ended with tears, I tight hug and the soft words, "I love you broken"....

PrairieKerri